You and you alone

Don't depend on people.

I was stupid enough to do so.

Two lessons in one week.

Trust God. Thanks for showing me that I only need You. 

I lost my head in San Francisco

The thing is, I miss you terribly.

I don't show it because my ego won't let me. What if you don't feel the same way.

I trick myself by saying that I don't care,

but there's no fooling anyone,

I miss you and I want you to miss me too.

And we talk less and less,

I wanted to tell you things,

but it always seem like you don't care enough

so why should I talk to a heart that does not feel enough

I'm getting used to it,

The weeks that goes by,

What if I really stop caring,

I don't want to,

But it's too painful.

Sorry for the hostility

I don't mean to,
I just want home, I want familiarity.

I want to be where I belong.

I see you're doing fine without me, but I want you to miss me.

#I really need to start blogging again. To start a new blog? Or not to start a new blog?

In the end I am still that 15 year old girl

I might be older, my eye-bags are up to a point of no return to a well rested face. Teens were criticized to be unpredictable, impulsive and naive. Luckily for my parents, I'm a chicken, I was predictable, maybe boring. I hate risk, ( I would be a horrible entrepreneur) I grew up being taught that, risks that involved consequences are bad and you should stay away. And so I did.

I plan to continue this, my heart is much more safer.

Insanity

It was a Thursday last year,
You bought Panda,
I ate a bagel.

Today is the Monday of the new year,
I bought a bagel and you ate Panda,
And that is how it goes.

Unidentified emotion

Dear blog,
You know what happened today? My uncle died. Innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun

One less face I get to see this raya, oh wait, I won't be here for raya.
I wasn't close to him, he was, well my uncle. He was family nonetheless.

You know what is really sad though? The thought of my cousins losing their father, the thought of my dad losing his younger brother.

Cest' la vie.

Don't leave me tongue tied.

It's slowly coming to my realization that I'm mostly likely to be leaving MALAYSIA.

This means that I'm going to be separated by thousand of miles of land and sea from my family and friends.

I am currently in denial about that, but I can't say goodbye to any of them. The thought of it is just too overwhelming. Even thinking about it makes me want to forgo leaving to the US.

I asked my mum whether she regretted the decision of staying here for her studies, and without hesitation she said "No." I guess I now realized it's not the place that gives you joy but what you make out of it.

I think I can confidently say that I would be happy to stay in Malaysia and I would not regret if I did not go to the US. But I don't want to stay in my comfort zone forever. I want to grab every opportunity that I get and make the best out of it. Even if the opportunity calls for leaving my loved ones behind, TEMPORARILY.

So InsyaAllah, I am making the right decision. Even if it's a mistake, heck let's learn from our mistake.

"My thoughts are stars that I can't fathom into constellations."- John Green. ( That is why I am slow at writing letters, but I will, by hook or by crook.)