this week has been one of the shi*tiest week. I did not believe that Spring semester would be so hectic, but I feel like I had mountains of homework this week. I think it was just me and my procrastination. I am the KING of procrastination and no one can compete.
But my procrastination has been pushed to the limits. I will finish my work a day before the presentation, like at 3 a.m. It affected my health until I had a fever. But sadly I couldn't even take a day off because of all the work. Usually I won't feel the effects of my procrastination, because in the end my work will be finish and the cycle continues. But today was different, I certainly learnt the value of time. I really did.
I had an economics assignment due today at 12. I thought I had the time in the world since I finish class on Thursday at 12, so I had like an evening. But me and my wandering internet fingers were watching videos until 10 o'clock at night. So then panic sets in, and I like fumbling to finish an essay about capitalism, which I knew nothing about. I was so stressed out that my head was throbbing, and I had to call it quits at 2 a.m.
The next day I woke up 8 30 a.m., there I go typing for my life. I didn't have time to mend my first paper! Oh I am just so disappointed with myself. I have been letting myself down a lot. Because I know I should have tried harder. But I thought even though I rushed but my second paper turned out well if I say so myself. BUT I HAD ACCIDENTLY CLOSE MY WORK WITHOUT SAVING IT. All I could mumble to myself was "Fuck." Oh I was just numb by then. But instead of crying and calling my dad, I finally just suck it up and type what ever I remember.
After that, I saved whatever new paragraph I did. Paranoid. Forever. God certainly taught me a lesson here. OH gosh, one that I won't forget. I really hope I didn't screw up my grades.
Do you ever hate yourself? I have, sometimes I'm even sicked of myself. Sick and tired of being too darn emotional. Sick and tired of being useless and spoilt. I am rotten. But I guess I am being a bit harsh. No I'm not going to kill myself, I'm trying to change, I'm trying to be less bitter. I know some don't believe that somethings are just hard to change, well my disposition is just that. It's really hard.