Don't leave me tongue tied.

It's slowly coming to my realization that I'm mostly likely to be leaving MALAYSIA.

This means that I'm going to be separated by thousand of miles of land and sea from my family and friends.

I am currently in denial about that, but I can't say goodbye to any of them. The thought of it is just too overwhelming. Even thinking about it makes me want to forgo leaving to the US.

I asked my mum whether she regretted the decision of staying here for her studies, and without hesitation she said "No." I guess I now realized it's not the place that gives you joy but what you make out of it.

I think I can confidently say that I would be happy to stay in Malaysia and I would not regret if I did not go to the US. But I don't want to stay in my comfort zone forever. I want to grab every opportunity that I get and make the best out of it. Even if the opportunity calls for leaving my loved ones behind, TEMPORARILY.

So InsyaAllah, I am making the right decision. Even if it's a mistake, heck let's learn from our mistake.

"My thoughts are stars that I can't fathom into constellations."- John Green. ( That is why I am slow at writing letters, but I will, by hook or by crook.)

It's 3 o'clock in the morning

I realized that I used to be a really emotional person. If you think I'm emotional now, you should have seen how I was when I was kid. Yes I know I'm still a kid to some people, but I'm an adult by law even if my face is stuck in the tween stage. When I was little, I use to be really how should I say, 'gedik' is the malay term in english, hurm 'bimbotic' in a sense. I was a girly girl. Loved all the princess thingy, pink and BLAH you named it.

 In primary school I remembered I wanted to be liked and to be popular and all. So I hanged with the 'cool' kids for awhile and then they just decided to kicked me out. I was disposable. I can't remember whether I was hurt, frankly I don't remember anything in primary school life. I didn't have a long lasting friendships in school; I had my neighborhood friends. I was a too good of a friend and people had took advantage of my friendship. I guessed after that I started to be more picky about friends. Not sure though, because I'm not scarred by any memories or betrayed so badly that I want to die.But I was very loyal to my friends.

And now popularity means nothing to me, I cringe at remembering my shallow 9 year old self. But I was 9! Now I can positively say that I am very happy with how I pick my friends. I am friends with people generally but I have few close friends. And I like being my awkward self though I need to work on my confidence but that could improve! Right? Right?! I'm not into all the pinks anymore, now I'm really a tom boy haha. Even though I might be the most coward tomboy ever. I talk the talk but I really don't walk the walk.HAH.What you see is what you get. I'm sometimes nice but I can be mean. Like any other person I had my good and bad days. I hope to relinquish the negatives, so if I ever did anything bad or said something that hurt your feelings. I'm sorry, I really am.

I actually didn't want to sleep, so I wrote this post.