Marmalade

2011 was not so kind. Kind of bipolar.

But everything has to end, means the bad will end.

Lets pray for a better year.

I've been hearing the songs that I like in Korea lately. It cheered me up.

And this song is the perfect song for me to listen on the last day of 2011.

And yes I did hear it on an Apple advert

Messy

I wish I was organized, or had a mild OCD. Mind you I said MILD. Not like Adrian Monk level, more like I will clean and arrange stuff when I see clutter. But me being the average teen, clutter seems inseparable from me.

Lately, I've been posting unbelievable emo post. And this is another one, haha. No, I'm not depress (maybe?) I kid! I'm just disappointed that's all, perfectly normal right?

I've been having issues, and it's not those relationship kind of issue because I gave up on love way long ago. Pssh duh. I've been feeling invisible. Not that I want attention from everybody, because I don't care if they notice me. I feel invisible with people I'm closest to. I know they care about me but sometimes I just want them to listen. I've been ranting to my dad all the time, and I know he feels stressed as much as I do so now I don't tell him my true feelings anymore. He is the only one who actually listens to me but I don't want to be a burden to him anymore. I can't really turn to my friends, I don't think they know how to react as well. I don't even know how to comfort myself! So yeah here I am alone. As usual.

I'm inconsolable!! (Backstreet boys reference there FYI) haha.

And I've been praying to God asking Him to show the right path for me, but God works in subtle ways so I have to wait and see.

I haven't been treating Jude the way he deserves to be treated. I am such a bad owner. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I'm impossible I tell you. *shakes head*

Stubborn as stubborn can be.

I am stubborn. It can be a good thing, it can also be a horrible trait. Mostly it is a vice for me.

Don't you feel some things are fated. Like how a name of a place is stuck in your head. And you think, this place is perfect for me. In addition,current events lead you up to it, and you think to yourself I'm closer to my dream. Of course life being life is not easy. Obstacles are hurled in your way. You're beaten, bruised and your vital signs are going off but there's still a glimmer of hope. A surgery that would lead you back to your normal or even better life. Though the chances are slim to none for you to survive it, but there is a CHANCE!

I'm willing to put all my effort for this to happen but I just need one more sign. If I did get the green light, another choice must be made.

Oh what is life but heartaches.

I don't want to sound like an ungrateful b*tch but it's hard not to. Believe me I am very grateful but I am still human and I still have that stubbornness in me that won't let me back down.

A loophole

But is it worth it?
The chances are slim to none.
I know it's always been my motto to just go for it.
But now I really have to take into consideration whether it is worth my time.
I'm torn!!

It's 3 o'clock in the morning

I realized that I used to be a really emotional person. If you think I'm emotional now, you should have seen how I was when I was kid. Yes I know I'm still a kid to some people, but I'm an adult by law even if my face is stuck in the tween stage. When I was little, I use to be really how should I say, 'gedik' is the malay term in english, hurm 'bimbotic' in a sense. I was a girly girl. Loved all the princess thingy, pink and BLAH you named it.

 In primary school I remembered I wanted to be liked and to be popular and all. So I hanged with the 'cool' kids for awhile and then they just decided to kicked me out. I was disposable. I can't remember whether I was hurt, frankly I don't remember anything in primary school life. I didn't have a long lasting friendships in school; I had my neighborhood friends. I was a too good of a friend and people had took advantage of my friendship. I guessed after that I started to be more picky about friends. Not sure though, because I'm not scarred by any memories or betrayed so badly that I want to die.But I was very loyal to my friends.

And now popularity means nothing to me, I cringe at remembering my shallow 9 year old self. But I was 9! Now I can positively say that I am very happy with how I pick my friends. I am friends with people generally but I have few close friends. And I like being my awkward self though I need to work on my confidence but that could improve! Right? Right?! I'm not into all the pinks anymore, now I'm really a tom boy haha. Even though I might be the most coward tomboy ever. I talk the talk but I really don't walk the walk.HAH.What you see is what you get. I'm sometimes nice but I can be mean. Like any other person I had my good and bad days. I hope to relinquish the negatives, so if I ever did anything bad or said something that hurt your feelings. I'm sorry, I really am.

I actually didn't want to sleep, so I wrote this post.

Everyday I'm Tumblin.

The Dartmouth Aires has their own album, they released it by themselves before the sing-off. So me being their kinda creepy fan went to iTunes and listened to their preview. It was better than I expected. I really want their album now HAHA. But I must restrain, because 1. mainly because I don't have an iTunes account  2. this is insane.

And Henry's solo in 'Brand New Jones' SICK! *in a hip cool way* I prefer his voice in that track than 'All At Sea'. Man if they recorded the 'Remix to Ignition' the newer one MAN. MAN. That would really make me want to buy.

I'm not gonna be blogging for awhile due to unstable mental state, DID JA KNOW I HAVE TUMBLR
CLICKITY CLICK THERE >Butterflies & Hurricane

Baking Omen

I've been dabbling in baking lately due to my boredom. I baked some cinnamon twists and apple tarts, albeit it wasn't perfect it was not bad. I was determine to bake an apple strudel with custard. 

I am not familiar with the kitchen AT ALL. My mother was upstairs so I was alone in the kitchen. BAD IDEA. After my hard labor of love cooking my apple filling, it was time for my custard. I randomly took a bowl which I thought was fine, oh I was wrong. I asked my dad to light the fire with the bowl on. My dad also didn't suspect anything wrong with it. And I was vigorously stirring the custard so it won't curdle "BANG" the whole pot just exploded; I'm not exaggerating. It was CRACK POOF. I was in shock, luckily I had some sense to close the gas. 

I am so grateful that I wasn't hurt. That really shook me, but I will still continue to bake tomorrow. Of course with fire proof pots. At least I learnt something. Oh gosh, that was just terrible.