Unidentified emotion

Dear blog,
You know what happened today? My uncle died. Innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun

One less face I get to see this raya, oh wait, I won't be here for raya.
I wasn't close to him, he was, well my uncle. He was family nonetheless.

You know what is really sad though? The thought of my cousins losing their father, the thought of my dad losing his younger brother.

Cest' la vie.

Don't leave me tongue tied.

It's slowly coming to my realization that I'm mostly likely to be leaving MALAYSIA.

This means that I'm going to be separated by thousand of miles of land and sea from my family and friends.

I am currently in denial about that, but I can't say goodbye to any of them. The thought of it is just too overwhelming. Even thinking about it makes me want to forgo leaving to the US.

I asked my mum whether she regretted the decision of staying here for her studies, and without hesitation she said "No." I guess I now realized it's not the place that gives you joy but what you make out of it.

I think I can confidently say that I would be happy to stay in Malaysia and I would not regret if I did not go to the US. But I don't want to stay in my comfort zone forever. I want to grab every opportunity that I get and make the best out of it. Even if the opportunity calls for leaving my loved ones behind, TEMPORARILY.

So InsyaAllah, I am making the right decision. Even if it's a mistake, heck let's learn from our mistake.

"My thoughts are stars that I can't fathom into constellations."- John Green. ( That is why I am slow at writing letters, but I will, by hook or by crook.)

MAJOR PAIN

This post would be about how my laptop keypad is a piece of _________ .

I have to type really hard now.

It's really annoying.

I want to punch someone.

Lately, I've been pissed about everything. It might be that time of the month again.

Little things that matter

I subconsciously set some silly goals for me. These are some of it.

1. To get straight A's in SPM.

2. To pass my driving test before I turn 18. ( I passed the test on the first try, ho yeah. Glad, I am. Until now I feel the driving test was by far the scariest test I had to go through. )

3. To study abroad before I turn 20. InsyaAllah.

I don't know why I set these things, I just like to. Life has been good. There are  ups and downs but on average it has been kind. Just need to keep reminding myself that!

Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.  -Robert Anthony

My heart it is bruised

I have been given an offer to be on the waitlist for UC Davis.

If I can't get into Davis, then bye bye my dreams to be admitted to Berkeley :(

This is just sad. I'm so down now. Got to shake this feeling off.
Ah, maybe this is a wake up call from God.

You don't always get what you want. But you get what you need.


Yes.


I just need a moment to recover.
It never gets any easier :)

Everybody wants to be a cat

I wanted a cat that is fat. As round as a ball. I wanted a cat that was a lazy, who would just sit on my lap and listen to my rant. I wanted a cat who would greet me and would be please to be in company.

Instead, I have a cat who is as demanding as me. Who would not let me hug him, who would demand people to open the tap so he could drink. This is my cat.

Empathy, I have it.

The reason why I'm so emotional about things is because of empathy. I have too much of it. The feeling goes as fast as it comes, but the moment it's there oh boy will I be ugly.

If you're in pain, I will feel it too. If there's a bird that got hit by a car, I have to numb my heart and not think about it. Well I just finished reading The Book Thief. The characters are lovely, too lovely in fact. You could even feel how warm they are across the page. And you feel as though all their memories are yours too. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend you should.

The first pages were confusing to me, this happens to each book I read. But once you get into the groove that's when it's good, that's when you don't want to put it down because you're dying to know what's on the next page.  I guess that's why I haven't read a lot of book but I  still consider it to be one of the most enjoyable past times.

I don't know how I jumped from empathy to reading books. Probably because I cried like a baby, again reading this book. And it's not just a tear rolling down the cheek, they were waterfalls. There's also adorable moments that makes you giggle and you keep rereading the same part. I'm a sucker of childhood love story because it's pure and uncomplicated. Too bad I won't have one of my own because certainly I am way pass the childhood phase and my childhood consisted of me and dolls. No lemon colored hair boy to rescue a book floating in the river, for me.

Oh well, life goes on. And I still have stories to be apart of.


Though I empathize animals, but certainly not INSECTS.

DIE YOU ROACHES. DIE.

Uncomfortable feelings

I have to write an essay entitled "My Idol". KO-PLN. I just don't understand.

Frankly speaking, I don't really look up to anyone. The trouble is when you look up to someone there's always this expectation that the person is like perfect. But I guess the person I admire most would be my dad. But I don't want to write about my dad, why? 1. It's cheesy. 2. I don't feel comfortable talking about something personal to a person, who isn't even my lecturer.

I could write about J.K Rowling. Maybe I'll do that. I know should try to be honest in this type of stuff. But I really don't like it when a stranger is reading something personal. Hah, I so can't be a writer. Oh well, economics it is.

I know my posts have been short, but I don't have anything significant to blog about.

Till I rant again, bye.

It never gets easier.

Family : People who put up with my singing in the car.


I don't know how many times I've blogged about laziness, but I can't shake it off. I'm actually quite happy now, well I doubt I'll be in a few days because college would resume and that means I have to finish my work. Assignments, assignments, frankly speaking I learnt very little from my assignments, I know that's bad. I should be sucking the facts like sponge but nope. Brain, why can't you be useful?

I really need new songs to listen to. I'm listening to some of the songs when I was in Form 3. Reminded me of all the craziness. I was really into all the Fueled by Ramen bands. I wish I could listen to a song and not get sick of it. So I could just listen to that every time I have no song to listen to.

Wow, I really have nothing to blog about. That's me, ladies and gents, the most boring girl on the planet.

You know what job I would like? A travel show host, like those lonely planet people, gosh. Travelling and it's their job! I would love to walk in the streets of Morocco, or visit the buildings in Turkey. And then you get to see their culture, oh that would be awesome. Hah, I don't even know my own culture well. But what the heck, I don't care.

Heh, maybe I'll get a job offer to be secret spy so I have to travel all over. Well, let's see what happens. You'll never know what tomorrow brings.

Heavy eyelids.

I have nothing to blog actually. I'm just bored.

So tired, yet I don't want to sleep. 

1, 2 don't mess up.

Why must they torment me.
Cameron's voice, oo-er :[ so nice. The falsetto, ahhh!
Better sleep before I stay up til the break of dawn.

So long, farewell.

ALHAMDULILLAH

Praise GOD! I got into a freaking university.
Though I am very grateful but the build up isn't that exciting you know. Just log in and voila on the homepage they say Congratulations! You have been admitted.
Oh I'm just oh weee!
Then it fades.
BUT I GOT IN! Oh after all that struggle, after all the tears, I got in.

Some days stay golden

We started in the morning, drove up the the hill. Excitement was the only thing I felt.

The best concert I went to was The Click Five in Genting, I don't know how many times I have mentioned this but it's true! I liked the fact, it was just me and my parents. I had my own hotel room. And the affogato after the concert was nice.

Good memories are painful.

You think capitalism is evil, procrastination is worse.

 Dear blog,
this week has been one of the shi*tiest week. I did not believe that Spring semester would be so hectic, but I feel like I had mountains of homework this week. I think it was just me and my procrastination. I am the KING of procrastination and no one can compete.

But my procrastination has been pushed to the limits. I will finish my work a day before the presentation, like at 3 a.m. It affected my health until I had a fever. But sadly I couldn't even take a day off because of all the work. Usually I won't feel the effects of my procrastination, because in the end my work will be finish and the cycle continues. But today was different, I certainly learnt the value of time. I really did.

I had an economics assignment due today at 12. I thought I had the time in the world since I finish class on Thursday at 12, so I had like an evening. But me and my wandering internet fingers were watching videos until 10 o'clock at night. So then panic sets in, and I like fumbling to finish an essay about capitalism, which I knew nothing about. I was so stressed out that my head was throbbing, and I had to call it quits at 2 a.m.

The next day I woke up 8 30 a.m., there I go typing for my life. I didn't have time to mend my first paper! Oh I am just so disappointed with myself. I have been letting myself down a lot. Because I know I should have tried harder. But I thought even though I rushed but my second paper turned out well if I say so myself. BUT I HAD ACCIDENTLY CLOSE MY WORK WITHOUT SAVING IT. All I could mumble to myself was "Fuck." Oh I was just numb by then. But instead of crying and calling my dad, I finally just suck it up and type what ever I remember.

After that, I saved whatever new paragraph I did. Paranoid. Forever. God certainly taught me a lesson here. OH gosh, one that I won't forget. I really hope I didn't screw up my grades.

Do you ever hate yourself? I have, sometimes I'm even sicked of myself. Sick and tired of being too darn emotional. Sick and tired of being useless and spoilt. I am rotten. But I guess I am being a bit harsh. No I'm not going to kill myself, I'm trying to change, I'm trying to be less bitter. I know some don't believe that somethings are just hard to change, well my disposition is just that. It's really hard.

It's in the name

This is one of those post where I'm trying to procrastinate from doing my work. Oh well! Whilst eating my deliciously healthy McDonald prosperity meal, I was praising myself that I was good at naming things. Not naming as in, name the capital of the states and what not, but give things/living things name. I have a cat named 'Hey Jude' because I was in love with the song and now he is affectionately called 'Jude'. Recently my mother bought a puny fighting fish, and he is given a name ancient people might say larger than life, 'Poseidon'. I thought it suited him well. I didn't want to give my pets names like 'Furball' or 'Potato' I wanted them to have names that have special meanings to me. A good solid name.

So what about my name. My dad wanted to give a short name, he has quite a long name so he knew the hassle. He wanted to call me 'Ina' so he named Nurlina. Nur is a very common name for my people to put within a name. I sometime feel that it is like a filler. That's why no one here calls people Nur, because it's just part of name nothing more. But Nur means light in arabic and it could also mean enlightment. Such a big meaning for a small word. Moving on to my main name, Lina. In Arabic, it means tenderness. In chinese Li is pretty and Na means elegant. That's what Wikipedia says. I forgot what my friend told me.

So am I enlightened, tender and elegant? Oh how I wish. When I see what my name means, I can't help but to think that I am completely the opposite. Here I am, a awkward, tomboyish girl who does not have elegance in her blood. I would love to live up to my name but I am who I am. Some might say that the name defines the people. That's why people with titles or has a prominent family name in his/her name feel proud of their heritage. Sometimes too proud, I mean come on, that was your ancient granddad's success not yours. I do believe that you have to choose a name wisely. You don't want to name your son 'donkey' though there are so many cases of people naming their poor child 'Pilot Inspector'. *palm face* I feel sorry for the kid already. You can be a descendant of a king but who cares if you are a sourpuss.  Names are important but it does not define who we are. I mean this definition is ancient, maybe it's time for a new definition.

From now on, I shall be

Nurlina : Awesome.

I'm currently unproductive

It's the CNY BREAK. WOOP WOOP!

One week of holiday, oh it's gonna be the good life!

I promised to do a post on concert etiquettes, so I think I'm going to do one now, because I'm really bored.
So kids, here is your guide to a concert!

1. Be comfortable. I see people wearing heels, dresses as if they are going to a dinner and it does not look comfortable. T-shirt and jeans are fine. Wear sneakers, your feet will thank me. I really don't know how people wear heels, why would you do that to your feet, what have they done to you?! But then again you might have a better view in heels. Hmmm.

2. Remove items that could be harmful to others, e.g watches, bangles, heavy necklace. Bulky items on your body parts are dangerous weapons when you are jumping.

3. TALL PEOPLE. YEAH. Please, help a brother or sister and let them be in front of you. It's not like you couldn't see if they were there. I friggin hate tall people in concerts.

4. Don't be obnoxious. You can have the spirit and the excitement. But screaming at random people and being loud does not make you cool, it makes you an inconsiderate attention seeking person. E.g When I was lining up to enter the concert, there was a bunch of teen girls going around pestering people and shouting random things at them. They thought they were the s**t. No, it was annoying. And don't whine, this is not MTV. We don't want to know your drama.

5. Carry some money and your phone in your pockets. Bags are not recommended. Easier, that's all.

6. If you're in a group, and you get split up, choose a meeting point to gather after the concert so it's,again, easy peasy.

7. Eat something light before, and make sure you have emptied your bladder. Though you probably would sweat off what ever you drink.

8. The concert only starts when the lights dim, be prepared for people pushing you at this moment. It will last for a few minutes, hang in there.

9. Enjoy it, don't record it. Like seriously, be in the moment. I see people taking out all their gadgets and all I want to do is smack it off their hands and watch it break as it hits the floor. Again inconsiderate people. A-hole level douche.

Couldn't make it to ten. Might add something once I remember anything else. I'm tired. I'm going to sleep now.


Goodnight.

No fostering seen

Just got back from Foster the People,

Just realized it was Friday the 13th, albeit I'm not superstitious.
Well, it wasn't great, and it wasn't the band's fault. It was just the atmosphere, it was all wrong!

First of all the venue, KL Convention Center has never been the place to hold a concert! So dear bands, don't book that place ok. And it was just awkward! The safety was horrible, particularly in the beginning. Some insensitive, mindless, people start to shove each other, which cause the crowd to sway from left to right. It was really scary, a lot of people fell down. It was just awful, that really dampened my mood.

Not to mention the tall people in front. Hey I know you guys deserve the right to stand wherever you like but please think of the little people like me who practically saw nothing. If you want to go to a concert with your significant other, please I beg you, don't wrap your arms around each other and start to jump. It gives an unpleasant sight and you would take a lot of place. Speaking of place, I thought it was overcrowded or was it my imagination. But damn those fools who shove *shakes fist*

Back to foster, oh man they're so attractive. I know I sound like a bimbo but they are just *sigh* handsome. And Mark Foster's smile, ughh charming. And Pontius I still want babies with you, yes babies! Plural. Because they would be so beautiful :') OH the sound system sucked. MAJOR. PHHHHFFTT. I barely heard him sing. And Ponsi, or Pontius oh the concentration as he played the drums. Oh marry me please.

So they played most of the songs in their album except HOUDINI. LIKE HOW COULD THEY. I know we sucked as a crowd, but we were so enthusiastic. But they played 'Ruby', 'Broken Jaw' and covered Weezer's 'Say It Ain't So'

Mark Foster is so talented hmmph, I wish I could described how the rest were. But I couldn't see anything. But all in all, I did kinda enjoy the concert. It's Foster the People! And I thoroughly enjoyed their songs. But next time I don't think I want to be in the mosh pit, I'm getting too old for this :P next time it will be sitting and watching from afar. And plus I had great company! Spent the evening with my fabulous three girls.

It wasn't that bad :)

POSITIVITY OM.

I think I should write a guide on going to a concert.

Next post, pinky promise.

More cheese?

This is a totally random post. On my way to college, this song was playing on the radio and it brought a nostalgic feeling. So after searching through 80's rock ballad, I found it! This is so going to be my karaoke song!!! I don't know why but I'm just so giddy hahahaha.